He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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