I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
