Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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