I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
