Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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