of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
