Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
