Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Let's paint friendship bongs
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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