Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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