I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
