No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I have aggressive nipples.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
