This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
