I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
