By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
