Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I got inside last night via doggy door
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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