dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
MIDGETS
????
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
