Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
