i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize