Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
