Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
