I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
