So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
two words...techno handjob
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
