The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
