I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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