Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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