new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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