no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
