11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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