Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
