Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I'm really busy with my period
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