so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
