just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
