redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I woke up under a house in Key West
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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