he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My liver just had a heart attack.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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