I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
