I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize