i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
