the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
