The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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