Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
