So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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