I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
