An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
