the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
