Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
