You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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