Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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