I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
