I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
