Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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