I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
