Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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