Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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