Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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