I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
