She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
