how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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