do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
