y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
