sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
