If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
