i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
