I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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