I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
