he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
