In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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