R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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