i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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