i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
