Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize