Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
