don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
