Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
