went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
