You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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