the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
